The Daddy Of All Hangovers

Not everything is a ‘dead cat’ (ok, except this). No, Carrie Johnson was not induced to give birth as a diversionary tactic. Sometimes pregnant women have babies, often around the nine-month mark.

The Prime Minister, if recent events are anything to go by, is not a four-dimensional chess grandmaster. He is facing investigations into multiple and potentially unlawful parties. I’d lost count but our crime reporter John Dunne made it six.

He’s barely over the humiliation of U-turning on the Owen Paterson lobbying affair, he’s gone back on his “irreversible” roadmap out of Covid restrictions and to top it off, today the Conservative Party has been fined £18,000 by the Electoral Commission for donation reporting failures relating to the refurbishment of his Downing Street flat.

Boris Johnson is exceptionally good at winning elections. He became the Conservative mayor of a Labour city – twice. He spearheaded the Leave campaign and as an encore won the Tories their largest Parliamentary majority since 1987.

But actual governing – delivering on promises, sticking to timetables, schmoozing world leaders, cajoling colleagues, reassuring the public? His record is a little murkier, and another baby – joyous though that is for the Johnson household – will not alter that political reality.

Elsewhere in the paper, fluctuating weight, a permanent hangover and no savings left — what happened when Joanna Taylor ate out every night for six months.

In the comment pages, Sarfraz Manzoor writes that just because ‘we are not White doesn’t mean we’re all the same: BAME is clumsy and lazy’.

Meanwhile, Melanie McDonagh declares ‘no thank you’ to Boris Johnson’s ‘conversation’ on mandatory Covid vaccines. Editor’s note: I added the ‘thank you’.

And finally, which toxic Succession couple are you? (Unlike vaccines, this is a mandatory quiz and your browser will crash if you opt not to play.)

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