Hoicked out of the Latin-American slums to play for Newcastle in the first of this three-part series, Santiago Munez (Kuno Becker) became the Toon Army's favourite player after the retirement of Alan Shearer. Now he has been poached by Real Madrid.
There he is used as a substitute, but scores so many goals that the ageing Gavin Harris (Alessandro Nivola) fears for his place in the Galacticos side, where Beckham, Raul, Ronaldo and Co make fleeting appearances.
Success goes to his head, and he almost loses his nice fiancée (Anna Friel) in the process. Thank goodness the awful Wags don't figure much.
Jaume Collet-Serra's film, like a lot of movies about sport, looks good but often sounds semi-literate. You could say, of course, that footballers are like that anyway.
You also have to admit that they speak louder with their feet in the playing scenes, which are pretty decently done.
But the plot has few surprises and the film goes well into extra time. The finale has Real Madrid playing Arsenal.
I won't tell you the result, but I will say that Arsene Wenger would be wise to avoid Goal 2 in case he suffers from terminal apoplexy.
Goal II: Living The Dream
Cert: 12A
