Don't suffer in silence: 3 ways to share your motherhood problems

Ever have that dream when you were a kid where you walk into class, and everyone laughs, and you look down, and you’re naked? I used to have that a lot when I was younger. Then I had my little boy Fin, and I started to get it all over again.

My subconscious screaming somewhere that I was feeling vulnerable and self conscious. I had all of these thoughts flying around my head, and felt unable to share them with anyone, firstly because I didn't know who to share them with, and secondly because I was terrified of being judged as a ‘bad mum’.

My internal monologue was getting louder, stronger, and quite frankly more bizarre each passing day. Was it normal my hair was falling out? Would I ever sleep again? Did anyone else hear their baby cry at various intervals throughout the day, only to look down and find them still asleep? Had walking to starbucks become anyone else’s daily goal? Was I normal? Would I ever be normal again?

The real cost

Research has shown the damaging effects of suppressing your thoughts and emotions. Maintaining that stiff upper lip denies the brain the ability to work freely. Enter anxiety, depression, insomnia, weight gain, suppressed immune system to name but a choice few effects. Let’s be honest, that’s all a lot scarier than coming straight out and verbalising what you’ve been thinking, and Dr Google is not always helpful.

Breaking the silence

Step 1: Make a Mate

Whether it’s using an app like Peanut to find like minded women, at the playground, or on your daily Starbucks run, BE BRAVE and find some mamas. Send the message first, say hi first, smile first. You might just make her day, and what’s the worst that can happen? No really, what’s the worst??

Step 2: Get to know each other

You need to talk to each other. I mean really talk to each other. Not shoot the breeze, “haven’t they grown!” talk. More, “here are the current inner workings of my pelvic floor” kind of talk. You want to connect with someone like minded, who shares your outlook on life, otherwise, some of those talks are going to be mighty awkward. Do yourself a favour, be kind to yourself and find a real friend. That meaningful relationship is going to make you feel less anxious, more confident, and there’s going to be zero judgments.

Step 3: Just say it!

Whatever it is? However stupid you think it sounds. Chances are, this mama is thinking it, living it, or knows someone who has or is. Don’t let that internal monologue get to you, don’t suffer in silence, just share it.

A final throwback from my youth for you all. Remember the 90s BT ad, with Bob Hoskins as he looks to camera and reassures you, “It’s good to talk”? Turns out, Uncle Bob was absolutely right. It is indeed, good to talk.

Michelle Kennedy is a tech entrepreneur who founded Peanut, an app which matches like-minded mothers. Find out more at peanut-app.io or follow it on Instagram @peanut