Former Manchester United midfielder Michael Carrick has revealed his battle with depression sparked by the 2009 Champions League defeat to Barcelona.
A year on from winning their third European crown after a dramatic penalty shoot-out victory over Chelsea, United returned for another final against La Liga giants Barcelona, then managed by Pep Guardiola.
Goals from Samuel Eto’o and Lionel Messi denied United another triumph, however. A loose header from Carrick saw Barcelona steal possession in the build-up to their decisive opener that evening, with Carrick admitting that night would become “the biggest low of my career by quite some way.”
Carrick told The Times: “I thought I’d let myself down in the biggest game of my career. I had won the Champions League the year before but that was totally irrelevant.
“I felt like I was depressed. I was really down. I imagine that is what depression is. I describe it as depression because it wasn’t a one-off thing. I felt bad or terrible after some games, but then you get over it in the next couple of days, but that one, I just couldn’t shrug off. It was a strange feeling.”
"I beat myself up after that goal. I kept asking myself: ‘why did I do that?’ and then it [the depression] snowballed from there. It was a tough year after that. It lingered for a long time.”
Carrick, speaking publicly of his battle with depression for the first time, went onto explain how the feeling followed him to the 2010 World Cup in South Africa – almost forcing him to leave the England camp and return home.
“In 2010, that was the worst time. It was my dream to be at a World Cup but the truth is that I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be at home. I was telling Lisa [Carrick’s wife]: ‘I’ve had enough. I want to come home.’”
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